The Resentment Number

As wedding vendors, we all deal with demanding clients at times – but when you throw in a completely unrealistic budget, mixed with a princess attitude, things can spiral downward fast.

Business isn’t something you want to turn away, but you also don’t want the ugly cry to rear its head while working the event.

So….. how do you filter out the clients that will drain you of all compassion?

Develop your Resentment Number.

This is the bare bones minimum $ amount that you’ll accept, and that will allow you to smile {cautiously}, and sleep at night. It could be based on a maximum or minimum number of hours you know it will take to plan, create or design for a specific type of event, or a flat rate.

If working with this type of client makes you want to ramp up your therapy sessions, change your phone number, or the real indicator, raise your prices……..you need to stick to your guns.

You don’t want to create a situation where you’re always in a foul mood, and your internal mind chatter is continually uttering, ‘Why did I accept this client? How much time, energy, anxiety and money am I losing working on this event?’

Don’t put yourself in any more situations where all you want to do is bang your head against the wall – repeatedly.

Trust your gut. But always have that Resentment Number in mind.

Best Advice?

• Be confident and accountable to yourself.
• Learn to read a situation for what it is.
• Walk away if you feel your integrity or expertise is being challenged, and close the door on those not willing to at least meet your resentment number.

There really are plenty of fish {clients} in the sea {city}.

Open Letter to the Bride to Be

Do you often daydream about having an Open Letter to the Bride posted in your storefront window?

A form letter of sorts, to share expectations, protocol, tips and advice.

Here’s one such letter, written for Bridal Salon Owners everywhere.

Dear Bride to Be, 

We’re so excited to meet you!

This is such an amazing time in your life, and we understand all the worries, concerns, and insecurities that come with shopping for the dress.

Be ready to gush, cry, oooh and aaah over all the fabric choices, veils + accessories.

We do have one initial request of you + your bridal party.

Ditch the bad attitudes at the door.

Come with a smile on your face.

OK, two initial requests really.

This is not a Cinderella and Stepsister scenario. We’re not your maid, or cocktail waitress.

This is our livelihood, so please respect our staff, and the array of dresses to choose from.

We realize that you’re stressed, under the gun time-wise, may have some pressure in terms of price, and have other things to get ready for your big day.

Remember too, not every bride finds ‘ THE DRESS ’ on their first day of shopping.

So relax, enjoy the choices, and above all….. be kind.

Feel free to bring your closest friends, mom + confidantes.

But be advised, friends that will say YES to all of your whims, or those that are hypercritical, are not a wise choice. You need support, gently mixed with a shot of reality.

We have many other clients that will visit our bridal shop this season, and we treat each and every guest with the same level of respect, attention to detail and compassion.

We can only control our own attitudes, our inventory, and our staff.

Here’s a short list of items that we can’t control:

• Your weight. We understand that you want to look perfect on your day, but we can’t get a size 20 into a sample dress. It’s just not going to happen.
• Your appearance.  Want to have fun, and feel pretty?  Then put your best foot forward. Dress up, do your hair + make-up. Bring shoes if you have them, or something with a similar heel height.
• Bad undies. Wear some great fitting undergarments. The closer you can get to the real fit, the happier and more confident you’ll feel.
• Dress type fixation. Try not to dwell on a specific dress or designer before you start trying any on. You’ll be amazed, and extremely surprised to see what actually looks good on your body type.
• Friends with ulterior motives. Bring those that are TRULY excited, and want the appointment to be all about you. Not someone who’s searching for their own dress, for the ‘ What If ’ wedding.

 

Above all, don’t forget your manners and self-respect on the day of the appointment.

We look forward to helping you find the dress of your dreams.

Am I being a Bridezilla?

Well, since you brought it up.

Yes. Yes, you are.

Those tantrums, unrealistic expectations, vent sessions seemed to be aimed at us – directly .

But what’s so interesting, is it’s no longer just a role exclusive to the Bride.

Some of the recent incarnations may be a bit surprising….

• The Father of the Bride
• The Mother-in-Law {who doesn’t understand boundaries, at all}
• The Sister {who’s already married, and clearly knows how a wedding should go}
• The BFF
• And the personal favorite, The Onsite Venue Helper. She appears somewhat hung over, clearly disgruntled, and wants to make sure that her employer knows she’s miffed.  How will she get this message across?  By doing the least amount of work possible over the next 8 hours. Great.

So, if you can’t beat them – join them right? All kidding aside, walking on eggshells isn’t good for workmanship, morale or productivity. Letting people vent can be healthy for them, but they need to understand that they’re experiencing situational stress.

Talking about it BEFORE the wedding day is helpful.

You don’t need to walk around with a knife in your back.

Dealing with the Modern Family

Let’s set the scene…………

Both sets of parents are bitterly divorced, and remarried. There are step-siblings, step-cousins and step-grandparents.

Let’s face it – you feel like you’ve stepped in something, and you want to lose it, fast!

The dynamic of a family can be its greatest strength, or biggest downfall.

For your personal sanity, try to put it in perspective. You’ll be around this dysfunctional clan for a maximum of 12 hours {fingers crossed}.

Best approach?

• Kill them with kindness  
• Keep really busy {who says the presents don’t need to be rearranged?}
• Smile and nod, while biting your tongue {this is a learned skill}

Most important? Don’t work a wedding solo.

You’ll need to play ‘Tag, you’re it!’ with a team member. Getting some downtime to effectively deal with the onslaught of complaints, drunk guests and tireless questions about when the cake’s going to be cut is a must.

~Special Note to the Brides~

Please don’t throw us under the bus.

If you know your Dad is gruff as hell, and isn’t a ‘people person’, we’d appreciate a heads up.

Every family experiences emotional highs + lows during a wedding celebration.

We’re used to dealing with high stress situations, and can mitigate even the touchiest situation.

So, do yourself a favor. Don’t take their ‘complaints’ or ‘concerns’ as gospel.  

We always have your best interests at heart, and aren’t interested in stirring the pot.

Are You Hiring? Here we go again….

Stop the Unsolicited Resumes.

It’s out of control.

Have you no shame?
If you can’t even bother to spell the name of the business properly, or research what it is we ACTUALLY do, then don’t hit send.

Also, spellcheck your resume, or even better, the actual email message.

And using cutesy adjectives, smiley faces, and exclamation points is NOT PROFESSIONAL.

Don’t even get us started on LOL. Whoever invented that acronym should be buried alive.

And here’s a big FYI.

Our ‘Contact Us’ page?

Yeah, it’s meant for Client Inquiries Only. That’s why the blank fields read:

• Event Details
• Budget
• Services Requested
• Contact Information

It’s not for you to use at free will.

Here’s a tip. Take a Business Class. Understand what it means to actually work each and every day as an entrepreneur. 

You may still be in college {or should be}, but guess what?

We aren’t. In fact, we graduated many years ago, and have continued to increase our IQs, and industry education.

So don’t inundate multiple vendors in a few short weeks. Word will spread, but it won’t be reputation you’re looking to grow.

The Disgruntled Relative : Wedding Characters Part 3

Guest #3

Here she comes……… Debbie Downer. Except that she’s morphed into a wedding guest that’s closely related to the bride.

It appears that NOTHING is going to be good enough at this celebration.

Just know that complaining isn’t a characteristic of this guest, but her personality in its entirety.

Her level of overall dissatisfaction changes to fit the situation.

In fact, she probably doesn’t approve of the bride’s choice of dress, food, venue, or time of reception. And she certainly can’t believe that the family would actually spend this much money on one night. What a waste!

This is also the guest that will view you as their personal assistant/gopher.

Get ready for, ‘Could you bring me another napkin?’, and ‘Can you touch up my wine?’, or the ever classy, ‘Could you get the Bride’s attention? I’m planning to leave soon.’

Only one word comes to mind.  Bitch. Speechless.

So, how to remain the Strong Diplomat?

• Listen intently, and attempt to resolve their issues.  But NEVER agree outright.
• Try to let it roll off your back {yes, easier said than done}.
• Keep your opinions under wraps. Always remember, this is ALSO the guest that will ‘Report Back’ to the bride & groom.

The ‘Just Married’ Girl : Wedding Characters Part 2

You so know this wedding guest.

She comes across as slightly overzealous at first, but seemingly harmless.

Yet, just as you’re knee deep in tabletop mayhem, she will appear at your side, to provide unsolicited guidance + opinion on the layout, décor and overall feel of the wedding design.

Didn’t she tell you?

She Just Got Married.

You didn’t get the memo?   Just Married Girl = Expert Wedding Designer.

Prepare to hear interjections like, ‘Don’t you think she’d want more candles near the buffet?’, or ‘Do you think she really wants the flowers to look like that?’, and the ever popular, ‘I did it a bit differently at my wedding.’

Wow, thanks for sharing. And just FYI – - – this ISN’T your wedding. The bride has chosen décor, flowers, food & entertainment to reflect HER taste + aesthetic.

When did this wedding gig turn into Sorority Rush?

And get ready. Because the conversation is about to change abruptly….she’s been waiting with baited breath to share with you this stunning revelation.

‘I’ve been thinking about starting my own wedding planning/coordination business.  Are you ever looking for an assistant?  Can you give me any pointers?  You must keep so busy!  What a dream job!!’

Yeah, it’s a blast.

In her mind, you’re constantly reading wedding magazines, fawning over fabric samples, and going to killer cocktail parties to schmooze with the elite.

Let’s get real. That all sounds grand and some of it may very well be true. But, we all know that running a wedding business is not for the faint of heart, or those obsessed with fluff.

Clients don’t fall out of thin air, and wedding production isn’t about looking pretty in your dress.

So, how to let her down easy?

• Be kind. We’ve all been at the beginning stage. No reason to squash her dream.
• Answer a few simple questions if you can. You never want to burn a bridge.
• Keep your professional distance. Give her your business card, but let her contact you.

Popular Wedding Character Roles

Every wedding has similarities. Those we wish to forget, others we hope to avoid, and a few we try to fix.

This week, you’ll be reintroduced to 3 guest characters, who’ll rear their ugly heads sometime during the celebratory day.

Having a game plan will help reduce the headache{s}, and allow you to come out injury free.

Guest #1 :: The Drunk

This guy {typically} seems to wait until the meal is over, dancing has begun, and you are in the observer role, waiting in the wings for the next task to tackle. With alcohol-fuelled confidence, he approaches. At first, he’s very friendly and harmless  – and then it seems, the inevitable ‘being hit on’ situation takes shape. Awkward.

So, how do you deal with this? Especially when you’re…

a) painfully sober, b) trying to maintain a professional distance from the wedding guests, and c) happily married?

Here’s a few tried and true ideas:

• Stick in pairs. Remember, three’s a crowd. This will allow you to end the conversation quickly.
• Don’t engage him. Sure, you can smile. But don’t keep answering questions, and encouraging banter.
• Make up an emergency. That’s right – you’ve been granted permission to lie. ‘Cause getting away from this guy IS an emergency.

Areas of Ignorance: Top 5 Bridal Mistakes

Let’s face it.

Brides are put into a role that has a very definitive end date, and many just aren’t naturally detailed-oriented, or organized.

Here’s a Top 5 list of the most overlooked, and recurrent, bridal mistakes.

We, as wedding vendors, need to remedy these before the week of the wedding. Otherwise, all hell WILL break loose.

1) Venue Access:   Be sure to check & re-check when vendors can ACTUALLY be on-site. Meaning, when they can get in the doors, drop off or set-up their items. There are NO vendors that want to wait around, twiddling their thumbs.  There’s more than just your wedding happening this day.

2) Elaborate Décor + Design:  Do us all a favor, don’t incorporate overly detailed and time consuming décor, and not provide adequate assistance. Assuming your planner or coordinator will have the time + manpower to complete these tasks in less than 2 hours is a recipe for disaster.

And please, don’t say how ‘easy it’s going to be’ to set-up 6 clusters of hanging paper lanterns from a 20 foot ceiling, creating an arch out of bamboo & orchids, and hanging silk curtains from a window sill.                                     Unless you have photographic proof that you’ve done a test run – - you have no idea how long it’s really gonna take.

3) No Master of Ceremonies:  Who do you expect to keep the reception flowing? Really. This is not a position that can be overlooked. Timelines are so important to have in place, but things will always get thrown off a bit. You need someone that can go with the flow, and read a crowd.

4) Lack of Signage:  Where to go may seem obvious to you, but think like a guest for a moment. Lack of direction is a common personality trait. Someone is going to get lost in the car, or not know what door to enter. Put up some signs. More the better.

5) Timelines:  Understand the importance. Have an overly detailed, tightly wound person write it, and pass it out ONLY to those that need to be ‘in the know.’  Nobody else. You want to keep your ‘Circle of Trust’ close at hand. Allow only the chosen few to help guests move along at a natural flow.

 

What do you see Brides often overlooking?

A New Tradition that Sucks.

Taking Pictures Before the Ceremony.

Who thought this one up?  Talk about ruining the surprise.

After planning your wedding for months {maybe years}, keeping certain details under wraps {especially the dress}, you decide to get some pictures ‘out of the way’ before the ceremony?

Talk about a complete let down.

A wedding is all about that moment. You know what it is. Everyone does.

The first look down the aisle.

The gasps of the guests and the groom.

Why, why, why…..do you feel the need to ruin this beautiful moment?

If you’re in that much of a rush to fit in ‘the photos’  – it’s seriously time to rethink your wedding day plan.

Yes, a timeline is important.

But so is natural flow, being in the moment.

Remember to have fun…capture those oooooh’s & aaaaah’s.

Not everything has to be scheduled or staged.