Day of Coordination is a Complete Farce

OK, we just can’t take it anymore.

Whoever coined the term ‘Day of Coordination’ needs to shaken, not stirred.

It creates a false illusion of what is truly required to pull off a smoothly transitioned Wedding Day celebration.

Let’s think about this.

A wedding typically takes how long to plan? Let’s say 6 – 12 months.

But then the Bride wants to pay someone as little as possible {usually} to have them come in, Just for the Day, to pull it all together, and make it perfect?

Get Real.

Wedding Vendors are all about the relationships they build, with clients, staff, and amongst themselves.

We can’t absorb all the impressions, innuendos and details that you’re looking for – nor will we really get to know your personality, quirks or pet peeves – with one introductory phone call, a few emails, and a drive-by decor drop off date.

Rome wasn’t build in a day, and neither was your wedding.

Be Realistic. Hire a Professional. It’s one decision you’ll never regret.

Whatever happened to the Gate Keeper?

Let’s set the scene…

We have 2 hours to transform one largish room into a ceremony area, for 160 guests, and set-up all the reception tables {hidden behind a floor to ceiling piece of drapery} with candelabras, flowers, favors, seat assignments, etc.

The clock is ticking.

We all know about crunch time. Some venues just don’t get it, and will provide minimal access time for vendors.

We’re pretty used to the 2 hour ‘dash + decorate’ session.

We can successfully pull it off, with 15 minutes to spare before guests start to pour through the doors, as long as we’re ALL on board, with the same goal in mind.

That being a happy bride, a relaxed groom, a bridal party in waiting, and satisfied parents.

So, why have so many Venue Managers forgotten {or refused} to take the Sales Hat off when there’s already an event booked that day?

Now, we COMPLETELY understand wanting to sell your space, especially with everyone counting their pennies, and with growing competition out there.

But, guess what? Showing the space to couples, their extended family, and random people wandering in off the street WHILE the venue is booked is NOT COOL.

In fact, why are the bride + groom even paying for the space during that time if Joe + his fiancée Barbara can stroll through, ask as many questions as they see fit, and query the event planning staff about décor rentals, flower prices + cupcake flavors?  

The client has paid for the exclusivity and privacy the venue has promised them. Remember?

Oh, and by the way, they’re getting married in LESS THAN 2 HOURS!

So Venue Manager, read ‘em + weep…

• Get Some Tact
• Do Your Job
• Understand Current Client Priorities

Seriously, where the hell does your loyalty lie?

We can’t even blame the couples walking through, like deer in headlights, just soaking it all in. They don’t get the gravity of the situation before them. {But, they will on their own big day, and they’ll be pissed.}

This isn’t a bloody Open House.

It’s a beautiful couple’s Wedding Day, and they deserve your undivided attention.

If you don’t get that, then GET OUT. We have it more than covered.

where has all the email etiquette gone?

The first red flag was this…..the Subject Line was completely blank.

Yes, the email message appeared with ‘ No Subject ‘ as the topic.

This was a VERY CLEAR indication of the level of brilliance to be found in the forthcoming message.

First thought was……. SPAM?  But cautiously opened it up anyway.

And there it appeared. Grammatical errors, run-on sentences, no personalization WHATSOEVER.

Here’s the email in its entirety, so you can get the real feel for it.

Hi , my name is Molly* and the reason I am e- mailing you is because I was wondering if I could job shaddow an event planner for my senior project in high school. All I need is 20 hours of job shaddowing and I was wondering if I could possibly do that with you.

 Thank you

*Name has been changed, to protect the unmotivated.

 

Seriously, this is someone that wants to JOB SHADOW an event planner, as a requirement for a high school class. Don’t you take English in your senior year as well?

As you can imagine, with this level of enthusiasm, personality, and overall excitement conveyed in the email, a response was sent back immediately.

NOT.

So what could she have done differently?

Pretty much anything. Like including information on:

• What school do you attend?
• What class is this for?
• Why are you interested in job shadowing an event planner?
• Why have you contacted this specific business?
• What do you know about the business, and the services offered?
• What makes you a great fit?
• What skills are you interested in learning, or expanding?

Seriously, is that too much to ask?

Needless to say, PASS.

Maybe there needs to be a Business Etiquette graduation requirement for high school.

How often does this happen to you? Do tell.

Wedding Vendor PSA

Be honest. Do you really take the time to build each other up?

This seems to be one of those ugly topics that nobody really wants to touch.

Cliques are everywhere. Face it.

So, check yourself.

Are you one of THOSE wedding vendors? You know…the kind that couldn’t be bothered to exchange pleasantries, let alone take the time to chat about the big event that’s about to happen?

The event where your client is one and the same?

These seem to be the same vendors that consider themselves truly refined, posh and definitely a cut above.

Sorry, but fancy pageant walking in the hallways at a large Wedding Show doesn’t scream high end.

Here’s the deal.

There’s nothing memorable about you, except the fact that you’re a first rate bitch.

Oh, and reality check……this isn’t fucking Gossip Girl.

You want to create a GREAT business reputation?  Treat people with respect, compassion and diplomacy.

Lose the judgmental facial expressions {they create premature wrinkles anyway}.

Remember that every single vendor that does business with your mutual client is someone that‘s worth your time.

When the lean times come {like right about now} – you’ll be happy that you made friends – instead of frenemies.

Throwing Common Sense out the Window

It can be difficult to talk a client down from a decision that they’re excited about.

No matter how stupid it seems to you. They want what they want, when they want it.

And if it sounds like a Real Deal, well they’re even more likely to jump on it!

As a wedding vendor, you just have to learn to deal with it.

A recent client asked for my opinion on booking a band for her wedding reception.

She’d seen a band playing live at a local indoor venue, and instantly fell in love.

She approached them to inquire if they played weddings, and would be available for her wedding reception.

They said ‘Yes!’, and that for 3 hours of play, the total cost would $500. This was for a 5 piece band.

So, I asked about their experience, references and pricing.

The answers she provided were somewhat frightening.

• They’d never played a wedding before.
• They were unfamiliar with the duties of an MC, but had stated that would be part of the overall cost.
• They didn’t seem concerned with the sound quality while playing an outdoor backyard reception.
• They just threw a price out, to see if she’d bite. {which she did}

She thought it ALL sounded good. I wanted to be kind, but also for her to see the true reality.

I asked her point blank, ‘Do you want to be the Guinea Pig wedding for this band?’

 She seemed a bit perplexed.

So, I just reiterated that they could provide no references, no guarantee of sound quality.  No nothing really.

She was already sold on the band though, so my only advice to her was quite literally……Buyer Beware.

• Be sure you have a solid contract that includes a clause that if the booking is not fulfilled in full, as outlined, that there is room for a partial refund.
• Confirm that they can guarantee a back-up or plan B if one of their band members becomes ill or lost.
• Outline your expectations of their behavior, and interaction with guests.
• Verify if you need a permit from the city for outdoor entertainment.
• Do not pay for their services in full before your wedding day.

The last thing you need is a stumbling vocalist, a drummer who hits on your bridesmaids, and the police showing up to ‘shut down’ the festivities due to excessive noise complaints.

Fingers crossed for this reception.

The Resentment Number

As wedding vendors, we all deal with demanding clients at times – but when you throw in a completely unrealistic budget, mixed with a princess attitude, things can spiral downward fast.

Business isn’t something you want to turn away, but you also don’t want the ugly cry to rear its head while working the event.

So….. how do you filter out the clients that will drain you of all compassion?

Develop your Resentment Number.

This is the bare bones minimum $ amount that you’ll accept, and that will allow you to smile {cautiously}, and sleep at night. It could be based on a maximum or minimum number of hours you know it will take to plan, create or design for a specific type of event, or a flat rate.

If working with this type of client makes you want to ramp up your therapy sessions, change your phone number, or the real indicator, raise your prices……..you need to stick to your guns.

You don’t want to create a situation where you’re always in a foul mood, and your internal mind chatter is continually uttering, ‘Why did I accept this client? How much time, energy, anxiety and money am I losing working on this event?’

Don’t put yourself in any more situations where all you want to do is bang your head against the wall – repeatedly.

Trust your gut. But always have that Resentment Number in mind.

Best Advice?

• Be confident and accountable to yourself.
• Learn to read a situation for what it is.
• Walk away if you feel your integrity or expertise is being challenged, and close the door on those not willing to at least meet your resentment number.

There really are plenty of fish {clients} in the sea {city}.

Open Letter to the Bride to Be

Do you often daydream about having an Open Letter to the Bride posted in your storefront window?

A form letter of sorts, to share expectations, protocol, tips and advice.

Here’s one such letter, written for Bridal Salon Owners everywhere.

Dear Bride to Be, 

We’re so excited to meet you!

This is such an amazing time in your life, and we understand all the worries, concerns, and insecurities that come with shopping for the dress.

Be ready to gush, cry, oooh and aaah over all the fabric choices, veils + accessories.

We do have one initial request of you + your bridal party.

Ditch the bad attitudes at the door.

Come with a smile on your face.

OK, two initial requests really.

This is not a Cinderella and Stepsister scenario. We’re not your maid, or cocktail waitress.

This is our livelihood, so please respect our staff, and the array of dresses to choose from.

We realize that you’re stressed, under the gun time-wise, may have some pressure in terms of price, and have other things to get ready for your big day.

Remember too, not every bride finds ‘ THE DRESS ’ on their first day of shopping.

So relax, enjoy the choices, and above all….. be kind.

Feel free to bring your closest friends, mom + confidantes.

But be advised, friends that will say YES to all of your whims, or those that are hypercritical, are not a wise choice. You need support, gently mixed with a shot of reality.

We have many other clients that will visit our bridal shop this season, and we treat each and every guest with the same level of respect, attention to detail and compassion.

We can only control our own attitudes, our inventory, and our staff.

Here’s a short list of items that we can’t control:

• Your weight. We understand that you want to look perfect on your day, but we can’t get a size 20 into a sample dress. It’s just not going to happen.
• Your appearance.  Want to have fun, and feel pretty?  Then put your best foot forward. Dress up, do your hair + make-up. Bring shoes if you have them, or something with a similar heel height.
• Bad undies. Wear some great fitting undergarments. The closer you can get to the real fit, the happier and more confident you’ll feel.
• Dress type fixation. Try not to dwell on a specific dress or designer before you start trying any on. You’ll be amazed, and extremely surprised to see what actually looks good on your body type.
• Friends with ulterior motives. Bring those that are TRULY excited, and want the appointment to be all about you. Not someone who’s searching for their own dress, for the ‘ What If ’ wedding.

 

Above all, don’t forget your manners and self-respect on the day of the appointment.

We look forward to helping you find the dress of your dreams.

Am I being a Bridezilla?

Well, since you brought it up.

Yes. Yes, you are.

Those tantrums, unrealistic expectations, vent sessions seemed to be aimed at us – directly .

But what’s so interesting, is it’s no longer just a role exclusive to the Bride.

Some of the recent incarnations may be a bit surprising….

• The Father of the Bride
• The Mother-in-Law {who doesn’t understand boundaries, at all}
• The Sister {who’s already married, and clearly knows how a wedding should go}
• The BFF
• And the personal favorite, The Onsite Venue Helper. She appears somewhat hung over, clearly disgruntled, and wants to make sure that her employer knows she’s miffed.  How will she get this message across?  By doing the least amount of work possible over the next 8 hours. Great.

So, if you can’t beat them – join them right? All kidding aside, walking on eggshells isn’t good for workmanship, morale or productivity. Letting people vent can be healthy for them, but they need to understand that they’re experiencing situational stress.

Talking about it BEFORE the wedding day is helpful.

You don’t need to walk around with a knife in your back.

Dealing with the Modern Family

Let’s set the scene…………

Both sets of parents are bitterly divorced, and remarried. There are step-siblings, step-cousins and step-grandparents.

Let’s face it – you feel like you’ve stepped in something, and you want to lose it, fast!

The dynamic of a family can be its greatest strength, or biggest downfall.

For your personal sanity, try to put it in perspective. You’ll be around this dysfunctional clan for a maximum of 12 hours {fingers crossed}.

Best approach?

• Kill them with kindness  
• Keep really busy {who says the presents don’t need to be rearranged?}
• Smile and nod, while biting your tongue {this is a learned skill}

Most important? Don’t work a wedding solo.

You’ll need to play ‘Tag, you’re it!’ with a team member. Getting some downtime to effectively deal with the onslaught of complaints, drunk guests and tireless questions about when the cake’s going to be cut is a must.

~Special Note to the Brides~

Please don’t throw us under the bus.

If you know your Dad is gruff as hell, and isn’t a ‘people person’, we’d appreciate a heads up.

Every family experiences emotional highs + lows during a wedding celebration.

We’re used to dealing with high stress situations, and can mitigate even the touchiest situation.

So, do yourself a favor. Don’t take their ‘complaints’ or ‘concerns’ as gospel.  

We always have your best interests at heart, and aren’t interested in stirring the pot.

Are You Hiring? Here we go again….

Stop the Unsolicited Resumes.

It’s out of control.

Have you no shame?
If you can’t even bother to spell the name of the business properly, or research what it is we ACTUALLY do, then don’t hit send.

Also, spellcheck your resume, or even better, the actual email message.

And using cutesy adjectives, smiley faces, and exclamation points is NOT PROFESSIONAL.

Don’t even get us started on LOL. Whoever invented that acronym should be buried alive.

And here’s a big FYI.

Our ‘Contact Us’ page?

Yeah, it’s meant for Client Inquiries Only. That’s why the blank fields read:

• Event Details
• Budget
• Services Requested
• Contact Information

It’s not for you to use at free will.

Here’s a tip. Take a Business Class. Understand what it means to actually work each and every day as an entrepreneur. 

You may still be in college {or should be}, but guess what?

We aren’t. In fact, we graduated many years ago, and have continued to increase our IQs, and industry education.

So don’t inundate multiple vendors in a few short weeks. Word will spread, but it won’t be reputation you’re looking to grow.